Swallowing the Pacific Ocean in a Single Gulp!

Here is a picture of my local Pacific Ocean taken while out crabbing on a cool foggy morning. The fog can be a comforting blanket where reality can be seen with soft edges.

I saw a post on Facebook this morning that led me to an article on being in the reality of what is instead of simply witnessing something. It is a concept that is hard for me to internalize. I see the value of this, but my mind wants to rationalize instead of just going to that spot. Here is the link:

Awareness: Swallowing the Pacific Ocean in a single gulp http://budurl.com/vhhu

Tell me what you think. How do I get there? What do I need to do? I am always the observer of nature without the connection of being actually in and a part of what I see. I can jump right into being a part of social interaction..no problem! But swallowing the Pacific Ocean in a single gulp is like speaking Chinese! I have no clue.

I went to college in the 70's and 80's when people were into being self actualizing, learning meditation and visiting some place in their minds that I could not find! I remember holding hands in a circle moaning some mantra wondering just what the heck I was looking for! I never astro projected, visited a special spirit or found my zen. I kept thinking, "what the....."

Pondering myself this morning upon reading that link, I wondered if I am I also just an observer of my life without the connection to self that would help me be more in control of what I do and who I am? I am a great list maker. I can march right down that list to get jobs done, grow in knowledge, but do I ever grow as a person? I wonder. Maybe I am sitting on a log just outside of myself watching to see what I will do next with no expectations, no real plans and no ability to control anything. I wonder.

This blog is not just to get a good laugh from my readers. I am doing this as a journey to see myself as I am and hopefully see myself become who I want to be. I need to crawl into my own skin to experience the sadness that covers areas of my life and to feel the lasting (not just the immediate) joy of accomplishing a goal of actually changing. I often have lost weight, but I always go back to the "real" me who loves her comfort food, buries worries with activity and finds that nothing really ever changes because as an observer I can only make those list to march down. I canot change the very character of myself unless I crawl into myself and become a powerful element of self.

Those of you who know me, will be surprised to read this. I do not go to these levels of self often or outloud. Outloud makes it more real. Outloud can be scary.

I heard from a friend who read my blog and I need to thank her for her comments. I hope to see her back and wish that those who read this would sign up to follow me. It gives me validation and an appreciation of those that want to explore this journey with me.